


Complicated

by jesileigh



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Love, Spec, season 5.5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 13:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesileigh/pseuds/jesileigh
Summary: In the aftermath of Lian Yiu, Oliver struggles to find a balance between his day job, his night job and his new role of father. Thankfully, he'll always have Felicity on his side when things get complicated.





	Complicated

The door slams in his face and Oliver has to take a moment to close his eyes and breathe.  _ In. Out. In. Out.  _ It has been three months since the island. Ninety days since he watched his world explode in front of his eyes. Two thousand, one hundred and sixty hours since he had to tell his son that his mother was gone. Since they’d come back to Star City and gotten an apartment with a bedroom for William near a good school (after all, it’s not like he could raise a kid in an underground bunker). Oliver, feeling more defeated that he had in years, had no choice but to jump back into work.Thea had been injured pretty severely trying to save Samantha and Quentin couldn’t handle City Hall all by himself, but between his mayoral duties and the unending issues at home with William he’s barely had time to visit the bunker, let alone suit up to protect the city with his team. 

  
“You’ve got enough on your plate,” John assures him one night. “Dinah, Rene, Felicity and I have this under control.” He throws him a grateful smile over his shoulder before he locks eyes with Felicity across the dais as she guides Dinah and Rene through a recon mission. Still, Oliver can’t help but feel guilty; John has a preschooler and a wife at home. Felicity is in the midst of some messy litigation regarding Palmer Tech, Dinah has a full time job protecting the city during the day and another protecting it at night and Rene has just gotten custody of his daughter back. The loss of Curtis on Lian Yiu weighs heavily on all of them too. Anyway he looks at it, the team is stretched too thin and he hates that he hasn’t been the leader he’s supposed to be for them. 

“Go home, Oliver,” Felicity says softly, tilting her head at him. “There’s only one person in the world who needs your undivided attention right now. The rest of us will still be here when things settle down. I promise.” Her meaning is not lost on him. Before everything had gone to hell on the island, they’d shared a kiss and a promise that they’d talk when they got home. Yet here they were, months later, and they hadn’t found a moment to do that. 

“Felicity’s right, man. We’ve got this. Go. Home,” John echoes, clapping a hand on Oliver’s shoulder and squeezing.

 

Now he’s standing outside his son’s bedroom door--the door that was just slammed in his face--doing his level best to calm down. He lets his forehead fall against the wooden frame and forces his fists to unclench.  _ William didn’t ask for this _ , he reminds himself. How Oliver ever thought he could manage this is beyond him. He’s not cut out for fatherhood, if the last few months are any indication, and he’s never felt so lost in his life. So desperate to succeed at something and so terrified of failing. 

The doorbell rings and he is grateful for a reason to walk away, but he certainly isn’t expecting to see Felicity on the other side of the door.

“Hi,” she says, almost shyly. She holds up a bag. “I thought you might appreciate a hand with dinner after this evening’s... _ incident _ .” He smiles at her and sighs, stepping aside so she can come inside. She makes a beeline for the kitchen and starts unloading her bag. “I hope Chinese food is okay--I know better than to try cooking anything without supervision.” Oliver can’t help but chuckle at that. 

“Thank you,” he says, busying himself with collecting plates and utensils. 

“I almost brought a bottle of wine but then I thought--” she catches herself and clears her throat awkwardly, averting her gaze. Oliver notes the blush that turns her neck and cheeks a bright pink and is certain that his face is a similar color. 

“I’ve got soda,” he offers instead, and she winces when she meets his eye.

“Right,” she nods. They finish setting the food and dishes out on the counter together, in silence, before Felicity asks him, “Where’s William?” Oliver heaves a sigh.

“Upstairs in his room. He won’t come out for anything and I just...I don’t know what to do anymore, Felicity.” 

She gives him a small smile across the counter and her eyes flicker to the hallway leading to the bedrooms.

“Well...he comes by that honestly. The brooding alone thing, I mean,” she says with a shrug, her tone lighter. She’s teasing him and it’s almost enough to make his lips tick upward in a smile. “Nobody could blame him for being angry,” she adds, starting to open the boxes of takeout and put them out on the counter. 

“Of course not,” Oliver agrees. “But I’m just...God I’m so  _ lost _ here. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing. I don’t know how to  _ help _ him. He has nightmares and he’s having trouble at school already and he keeps running away--like he did today-- and hiding or screaming at me and I--” the confession spills out of him, the words coming out faster than his brain can process the admission. Felicity moves swiftly around the counter to stand in front of him, her hands grasping his to try and calm him down. To pull him out of this anxious spiral.

“Hey,” she says soothingly. “It’s okay. Nobody expects you to be an expert, Oliver. You’ve been a dad for all of 3 months here.”

“I know that. I knew this was going to be hard but this-- I cannot be a screw up this time. I  _ can’t _ , Felicity. For once in my life I need to get something right and--” he hadn’t meant to unload all of this on her and he can feel the ever-familiar feeling of panic settling into his chest. His breathing comes faster and his pulse is racing; it feels like his lungs are in a vice grip. Felicity knows him better than anyone, however, and she reaches to cup his face, her thumb strokes over his jaw as she shushes him.

“You are not a screw up, Oliver Queen,” she says firmly, forcing him to look her in the eye. He closes his eyes and leans into her touch, thankful for her presence alone. “You’re going to get through this. Both of you. And I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better. Something that could help you fix all of this. But the only thing that is going to help is  _ time _ . You need to build a relationship with him but you aren’t going to be able to prove to him that you’re not going anywhere until he’s had time to heal.”

He lets his eyes open again and takes Felicity in. She’s looking at him with a fierceness that shakes him to his core. The fact that after everything they’ve gone through--everything he’s done and all the ways he’s messed up with her--she still has unwavering faith in him. She still believes in him like no one else ever has. Even when he has no faith left in himself.

“Time,” Oliver echoes, nodding. Felicity tilts her head at him.

“Time. But you’ll get there. Just keep showing up for him. Even when--especially when--he doesn’t want you to.” Oliver nods again in understanding, forcing himself to even out his breathing, honing in on the feel of her thumb against his cheek. She holds his gaze the entire time, and that alone helps calm him. 

“He told me he hates me,” Oliver whispers like he’s ashamed to say it aloud. And maybe he is? It feels like shit, that much he’s sure of.

“I did the same thing to my mom when my dad left,” Felicity tells him. “Part of it was that I was angry and that had to go somewhere. She was the easiest target. And maybe part of it was me testing her. Seeing if she meant it when she said there was nothing I could do that would make her stop loving me.”

Oliver studies her--she’s never shared this with him before, and it gives him infinitely more insight into a few things he’s always wondered about her. 

“I’d scream at her and run away. I said some terrible things to her. I blamed her for Dad leaving. Therapy helped a bit, I suppose. Made me realize where all that rage was coming from. And more recently made me realize that my fear of abandonment can lead to me sabotaging my relationships but  _ that’s _ a rabbit hole for another day. Anyway.” She shakes her head to stop herself from babbling and Oliver cracks a little smile at her. “My point is: he’s just as frustrated and confused and lost as you are right now.”

“And I’m trying to be strong for him,” Oliver insists. “Just like I’m trying to be a strong leader for the city and the team and--” he blows out a breath and digs the heels of his hands into his eyes as he feels his resolve start to crumble again “--and just...thank you.” Felicity tilts her head at him in question and he can’t help but wrap his arms around her, burying his face against her neck and breathing her in. “I don’t think you have any idea how badly I needed you tonight. You’re the only one I can--that I don’t feel like I have to--” He stops to take a breath when he feels her cradle the back of his head, holding him just as tightly as he’s holding onto her.

“It’s okay,” she assures him, her voice soft, her breath ghosting over her skin. “Really I should thank  _ you _ .” Now it’s Oliver’s turn to be confused, and he pulls back to look at her. “For trusting me with this. I know it’s not easy for you to be vulnerable and it...well...you not reverting back to “Island Oliver” it--it feels like progress.” She gives him a wink and he grins at her. 

“I guess I have grown a bit as a person,” he says, winking back at her. “Thank you for always being on my side,” he adds.

“No place I’d rather be.” She pushes up on her toes and pecks him on the cheek, and he’s certain he’s blushing up a storm.

 

The sound of footsteps on the stairs behind them saves him from embarrassing himself, and he turns to see William standing in the entryway, his hands in his pockets. 

“Oh, hey Felicity,” he says, as though he’s just noticed her presence. In all honesty, Oliver’s pretty sure she’s the reason he’s finally left his room for the first time since they got home that afternoon. In the aftermath of the explosion on Lian Yiu, she had been pretty much the only one who could get him to talk or eat. William had taken a shine to her nearly immediately, and though she hadn’t spent much time with them since they returned to Star City, her presence always guaranteed that his son was in a measurably better mood than usual. 

“Hey you,” Felicity beams. “I brought Chinese food. Are you hungry?” Will shrugs, but peeks over her shoulder to see what she’s brought. “Maybe we can convince your dad to let us eat in the living room while we watch a movie,” she adds in a conspiratorial whisper. She knows Oliver is a stickler for eating at the table, but tonight doesn’t seem like the time to fight it, so he sighs and immediately concedes.

“Yes, fine. But please use coasters and placemats for your--” he doesn’t get to finish his sentence and the two of them are already on the couch with the takeout boxes, their sodas sitting on the bare coffee table. He’s pretty sure consistency is an important part of parenthood. Keeping rules and boundaries clear or whatever was supposed to help kids feel secure or something. The one book he tried to read had mentioned something along those lines, anyway.  But as he watches his son and the love of his life settle in on the couch to choose a movie, so at ease with each other that he can’t help but be fascinated, he couldn’t care less about what the parenting gurus say about rules. 

He, however, isn’t a complete savage so he places his own glass on a coaster and only cringes a little when Will brushes some spilled rice off the couch onto the rug. They’ve chosen to put on one of the Harry Potter movies, Oliver’s not really sure which one, but he’s too busy enjoying the way Felicity keeps leaning closer and closer to him as she drifts off. She’s exhausted too, he knows, from burning the candle at both ends between work stuff and manning the comms for the team all night. As far as he knows she hasn’t had a night off since they got back. So he lets her cuddle up to him and fall asleep on his shoulder, and when the movie ends and he sends Will upstairs to bed he gently replaces himself with a pillow and covers her up with a throw blanket. He removes her glasses, careful not to wake her, and can’t keep himself from pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

 

>>>\-------------------------->

 

Oliver’s alarm goes off far too early for his liking the next morning, but he wastes no time in rolling out of bed and heading downstairs to get started on breakfast. If there’s one thing he’s determined to manage, it’s sending his son to school after a real breakfast every morning. So far he’s been successful, and the extra hour in the morning gives him the only time he gets to himself throughout the day. After that it’s getting WIlliam to school and endless meetings and paperwork and phone calls at city hall all day followed by an attempt to help the team in the bunker--unless of course he has to deal with a crisis from Will again. 

He peeks out at where Felicity is snoring on the couch and grins to himself. Last night had felt... _ normal _ . Like he’d always hoped things could be. He’s pretty sure he’s got a stupid grin on his face, but he doesn’t even care because this is the happiest he’s felt in at least a year.

 

By the time William sits down at the counter, still in his pajamas with his brown hair sticking up in all directions, Oliver’s got a stack of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon ready for him, and he slides the plate across the island to him with a smile William  _ almost _ returns. 

“Eat up. I’ve got your lunch packed,” Oliver tells him, turning back to the stove. Will nods and digs in; at least he’s been successful at cooking food his son likes. He’ll take every little win he can get at this point.

 

“Dad?” William asks, and Oliver freezes, almost forgetting how to respond. It’s the first time William has called him that without stumbling over the word and he feels his chest ache in response.

“Uh--yeah? What’s up buddy?” he finally manages, turning away from the stove to look at his son. William pushes the last few bites of pancake around his plate before he continues.

“Is...Is Felicity like...your girlfriend or something?” Well. He certainly hadn’t been expecting  _ that _ question. Oliver gapes at him for a moment--he’s certain he looks like an idiot with his mouth hanging open.

“Well...um...I mean…” he takes a breath and tries a different approach. “Why do you ask?” William shrugs and looks up from his plate.

“Just wondering, I guess...is she?” Oliver takes a deep breath and pushes it out through his nose, his lips pressed together into a thin line.

“That’s...she’s…” he searches for a way to explain to the twelve year old before him that he’s in the midst of rebuilding a relationship with his ex-fiancee but he has no idea where they stand because neither of them want to rush things because both of them are afraid of things falling apart again. He settles on, “It’s...complicated.” 

William clearly isn’t buying it. He raises an eyebrow at Oliver and looks at him incredulously, studying him for a moment.

“Why?” he persists. “Don’t you love her?” And now he’s cutting to the chase, it seems.

“I do. Very much,” Oliver assures him.

“And does she love you?” 

“I...I think so.”

“So...why isn’t she your girlfriend then?”

 

_ Goddamn it. _

 

“Well relationships--successful relationships--need a lot more than just love to work,” Oliver says, settling down onto a stool because  _ clearly _ this conversation isn’t going to be over anytime soon. William chews his food thoughtfully for a moment, then swallows.

“Like what?”

“Communication, for one thing,” Oliver says. William tilts his head and his brow furrows for a moment like he’s trying to solve a particularly tricky riddle. Because  _ duh he’s 12 _ . “And trust--” Oliver adds, his eyes drifting over to the living room where he knows Felicity is still asleep on the couch and he sighs. “Sometimes things...happen. Things that break the trust people have in you. And it can take a long time to get that back.” 

“Mom told me that once when I lied about breaking something,” William says, and Oliver nods, thankful that he’s actually getting somewhere with this. 

“I made the same mistake,” Oliver tells him. “I lied. I kept a secret from her and I shouldn’t have done that. Because when you love someone, you have to be honest with them.”

“So,” William begins again and Oliver braces himself because this conversation has already gone so far off the rails that he has no idea what’s coming out of his son’s mouth next. “You  _ want _ her to be your girlfriend, right?” 

“I’d like that very much,” Oliver admits. “And someday, once I’ve earned her trust back, hopefully she’ll want that too.” He pauses and watches his son for a moment as William mulls all of this over, and then he adds, “Would you...be okay with that?” 

William looks up at him like he’s shocked that his opinion on the subject even matters to Oliver, but he cracks a little grin and shrugs, trying in true adolescent fashion to appear like he doesn’t care too much.

“Yeah, I guess,” he says. “She’s pretty cool. I’ve never met a girl who builds computers and stuff.” Oliver gives him a smile and nods.

“She’s the best. And I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear that her nerd cred has scored her some points with you. But right now it is time for you to get upstairs and get ready for school. I can drop you off on my way to city hall.” 

 

That William doesn’t protest is a huge win in Oliver’s book. It’s the first time in a month that his son hasn’t been itching for a fight with him. And while he still feels a bit uneasy, he lets himself enjoy the moment. He sighs as he watches William retreat to shower and get dressed upstairs and sets about cleaning up the kitchen. He can’t help but smile to himself as he rinses the dishes and loads the dishwasher. He’s lost in his thoughts until a voice makes him jump.

“Nice save.” Oliver turns to see Felicity sidling up next to him at the sink, her blonde curls a mess. “You handled that better than most politicians would have,” she adds with a wink.

“You heard all of that?” Oliver asks, feeling his face flush. Felicity nods with a grin and reaches to pat his chest affectionately.

“I did,” she confirms. “And I do. Want the same things you do, I mean.” Oliver feels his heart soar at her words. “I mean, we kind of talked about it before--at your birthday party and then again on the island before everything went to hell,” she adds.

“I know we did. But to be fair, you didn’t really sign up for dating a single father so I totally understand if the reason we haven’t talked about it again is because you’ve changed your--” he can’t finish the thought because suddenly Felicity’s lips are against his and her hands are cupping his face, pulling him closer. All the breath in his body leaves him and he freezes, unable to believe this is really happening. That she’s actually kissing him again. The last kiss they’d shared had been under duress--a just in case kiss so neither of them would have regrets if they lost each other. That was months ago, however, and Oliver had nearly given up, noting the intentional distance she’d been keeping since they’d arrived back in Star City. 

 

She pulls away slowly, lingering there for long seconds, and he can’t bring himself to open his eyes until she nuzzles his nose with hers and descends from her tiptoes. 

“I love you,” she says with a fierce conviction. “Every part of you. Everything that makes you who you are. And that includes your child, Oliver. I’ve loved him since the moment I found out about him. How could I not?” 

“Felicity--” he breathes out, but she stops him with a finger against his lips.

“Right now your priority should be him, not us,” she explains. “That’s why I haven’t brought it up since we got home. It’s like you said last night--you’re a father and the mayor and a vigilante and I didn’t want to be one more obligation. One more person who needs you when you’re already stretched so thin.” He opens his mouth to protest because how could she ever consider herself unworthy of his time, but she continues. “I know we’re going to be okay. You know? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when things quiet down and life is normal again--” he chuckles along with her at that. “Well, as normal as it can get for people like us.”

“All I know is that having you show up last night made me realize that I need  _ you _ , Felicity. I can’t do this without you,” he manages to choke out, reaching for her. She slides right into his arms and they stand there, just holding each other for a moment in silence.

“You know I didn’t want you to send him away, right?” Felicity asks, her voice muffled because she’s got her face buried against his chest. 

“I know,” he tells her, hugging her a bit more tightly. She sniffles and pulls away for a moment, wiping her eyes on her sleeve as he says, “It’s just...everything’s different now. It’s not like he’s just visiting on the weekends and over the summer.”

“We have taken down Mirakuru Soldiers and the League of Assassins and metahumans and people with magic and  _ aliens _ , Oliver. We’ve fought and won against actual  _ aliens _ .” They both laugh again at that. “We’re a good team--you’ve said so yourself.”

“We are a good team,” he agrees reaching for her hands and squeezing. 

“So, it might be our greatest challenge yet, but I  _ think _ we can handle raising an adolescent boy together, don’t you think?” she asks, smiling up at him hopefully. His chest seizes at the implication of her words and his breath catches in his throat. He’s speechless. Lucky for him that’s never a problem for Felicity. “I’m up for it if you are,” she says with a shrug.

It’s all he can do to nod enthusiastically, pulling her against him and capturing her mouth in a kiss. His fingers tangle in her hair and he feels her fingers fist in his dress shirt and he can’t even be bothered to care about how wrinkled it’s going to be when they’re done. 

“I love you so much,” he manages to tell her between kisses. 

“I love you,” she echoes, her arms snaking around his neck to pull him closer. They lose themselves in the moment--in each other--desperately clinging to each other like they’re afraid of what will happen when they let go. He lets his arms wrap around her and haul her up against him, swallowing the breathy moan she gives him at the feel of being pressed so close to him. He would be perfectly fine with this moment never ending...

“So...she  _ is _ your girlfriend then?” At the sound of William’s voice the two of them jump, turning to see him standing across the counter from them looking slightly scandalized and slightly confused. Oliver lets out an uncomfortable laugh and looks from William to Felicity and back again. His son’s raised eyebrows and crossed arms tell him he’s not getting out of this one, so he sighs and looks down at Felicity again. She smiles up at him and shrugs.

 

“No,” Oliver finally says definitively. “She’s my  _ partner _ .”

“Grown ups are weird,” William huffs, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and heading for the door. Felicity and Oliver can’t help but chuckle and steal another kiss.

“So, do you have plans for lunch?” she asks him.

“Why? Did you have something in mind?”

“I thought maybe I could stop by your office and bring something?” Oliver’s smile just grows wider at that, and he leans in to touch his nose to hers. 

“I’d love that,” he agrees, enjoying the way she bites her lip coyly. 

“Great then...it’s a date,” she says playfully, pushing up on her toes to kiss him one more time, smiling against his lips. 

“I can’t wait,” he promises.

“Oh and Will,” she adds, turning to address him. “If you want to come by the lab this afternoon I can give you that tour we talked about last night. I can pick you up after school?” Will’s face lights up in a way Oliver hasn’t seen before at that, and he nods with great enthusiasm at the suggestion.

“Really? That would be so cool!” Felicity beams back at him.

“Absolutely. Then maybe we can meet your dad for dinner afterwards?” 

“That sounds perfect,” Oliver says, fighting back the choked up feeling he’s got. 

“Well then, I will see you both later--I need to get home and get ready for work.” Felicity slips her shoes on and gives them both a wave on her way out the door and Oliver makes quick work of cleaning up the dishes before he slips on his suit jacket.

 

For the first time in three months, William says “Bye, Dad! See you later!” when he gets dropped off at school. And when Oliver meets William and Felicity at the waterfront cafe for dinner that evening he almost gasps when he’s greeted with a hug from his son and a kiss from Felicity. He knows things aren’t going to be perfect for them. A life like theirs will always be complicated. But for the first time in a long time he feels like he can handle it, as long as he’s got his family by his side. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
